A Firesign Chat
12/19/2002




Archive

||||||||| Catherwood re-enters the Waiting Room and explains "This is the main discussion room which is logged each night."
||||||||| Catherwood announces, "The time is 4:33 AM - I now declare Thursday's chat log for December 19, 2002 officially open!"... and then, he retires back to the vestibule...
||||||||| Catherwood strides in with a trumpet, plays a fanfare, and proclaims "Nine PM on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - I now declare alt.comedy.firesgn-thtre's chat officially open!" -- then he looks around at the empty room, looks at his watch, and mumbles "...am I early?"
||||||||| Catherwood ushers Dexter Fong into the room, accepts a grimy quarter as a gratuity, mumbles something about 9:04 PM, then departs.
||||||||| LonesomeBeet enters at 9:04 PM as Catherwood takes their hat and goat and runs off to the Haberdashery Barn.
Dexter Fong: Hmmmm. Guess everybody went to see Rebus
||||||||| Catherwood enters with Ken close behind, mutters something about disrupting his 9:04 PM tree-stunting plans, and runs off to the Aviary.
Dexter Fong: Howdy Lonsome
Dexter Fong: and Ken
LonesomeBeet: Or maybe they're as prompt as most people - not very :)
Ken: hi dex, beet
LonesomeBeet: Howdy, li'l partners
Dexter Fong: Are you promting me?
Ken: howzit goin?
Dexter Fong: prompting
LonesomeBeet: you can teleprompter anything, but you can't tell him much
||||||||| Uncle Ernie waltzes in at 9:06 PM carrying an obsidian door knocker.
Ken: you won't need prompting if you put your finger on the script--like this
Dexter Fong: Unca Ernie
Uncle Ernie: G'day Y'all!
Ken: hi ernie
||||||||| Catherwood strides up and snorts derisively "Presenting 'cease imril', just granted probation at 9:06 PM", then leaves hurriedly.
LonesomeBeet: and i'd better pick my cues up out of the cellophane before they scorch
cease imril: que pasa?
Uncle Ernie: Sure Ken how about you?
LonesomeBeet: hi, ernie
Ken: g'day y'all? is that from southern australia?
Dexter Fong: Pasa nada Hombre
LonesomeBeet: hi imril
Ken: hi cat
cease imril: actually que pasa is the limit of my spanish
Uncle Ernie: Southern Detroit
cease imril: even after 3 weeks in spain
Ken: btw, for those interested, doctec/tom won't be here tonight
Dexter Fong: Three words in Spanish: Omelet; Rice; Fly
cease imril: sangria per favore
Ken: ernie: g'day is aussie; y'all is southern, thus the inference (or outference?)
LonesomeBeet: my first time here, although i did read last week's transcript
cease imril: or is that italian? portugese? all those foreign languages just run together after a while
Uncle Ernie: I know three new words in Turkish towel bath border ...
cease imril: may i see your passport please
LonesomeBeet: may i see your passport please?
Ken: well, mr. beet, we'll see if we can't make figurative borscht out of you tonight :)
Uncle Ernie: Yes I have it right here ...
cease imril: greetings, lonesome. you're not lonesome no more
Dexter Fong: Welcome aboard, Lonesome..any relation to Joe Beets?
LonesomeBeet: i've been kinda borscht all day, waiting for something interesting
Ken: we haven't seen joe for a while. i thought maybe root vegetables hibernated underground during the winter
Uncle Ernie: Rats doc isn't gonna be here ... I had a question for him...
cease imril: maybe he's in chicago
Dexter Fong: Ken: Some get stored in the root cellar
Ken: ask us--we can lie just as well as he can ;)
cease imril: giant rats
cease imril: firesign question?
Uncle Ernie: It's about two missing words in a poem that I always assume were the ones I made up?
Dexter Fong: Firesign answer
Uncle Ernie: Anyone hip to Roitan Injun Kings revenge?
Ken: doc's in newark, nj with lili. she's flying somewhere tomorrow
Ken: roitan is a cigar brand. that's all i know
cease imril: oklahoma
LonesomeBeet: never heard of it/them
Dexter Fong: I know about it and have heard it number of times UE but can't say I've memorized it =)
Dexter Fong: It's from Anythinge You Want Lonsome
Ken: i hesitate to ask if you've googled it. that's *so* passé now
Uncle Ernie: Its a FS poem from the NPR now CD Anything You want too. Heres what was sa9id ...
Ken: ok, anythynge is one i haven't heard
LonesomeBeet: ok, my LP of that is about 3K miles away at the moment
Uncle Ernie: All the shores were glitched and gloomy, broadleaf land of might Roi Tan. Little White Owl drew here to me ...
Dexter Fong: good so far UE
Uncle Ernie: Injuns watching ... and then the poem is stopped because the king is smoking what was in the little ceder chest and his beard is on fire ,,,
Dexter Fong: I think h may be listening to it
cease imril: is that from anythinge?
Dexter Fong: UE: On the LP of Anythinge, I believe that there is more
Uncle Ernie: I always thouoght that the next words were Woodland Deadpan? What do you thinx?
Ken: hmmm, i don't have a little cedar chest or anything in it to smoke either. rats.
Dexter Fong: Smoked Rats?
Uncle Ernie: Here Ken have some of mind Road Apple Red tummy!
cease imril: of sumatra
LonesomeBeet: i never smoke rats - i've heard you don't get much of a buzz from them
Dexter Fong: UE: If I get a chance, I'll listen to the LP and maybe next week can answer your q
Ken: (sucking madly and holding my breath--bogarting for another hit. damn, gotta cough!)
Uncle Ernie: I have some rat tart here ... yummy ..
LonesomeBeet: is the poem on side one or side 2?
Ken: here, cat, you're first on the list, i'll pass to you
Dexter Fong: Dunno LB
Uncle Ernie: I've been wondering that for 22 years!
cease imril: gee thanks
Dexter Fong: If it's a CD, absolutely side A
cease imril: lol
LonesomeBeet: yeah, i think my LP is about that old too
cease imril: was just reading that comedy college interview with the lads
cease imril: where they talked about side 5, etc not translating onto cd
Uncle Ernie: I have the NPR radio broadcast recorded back when NPR was kewl!
cease imril: quite a good interview, even without austin
Dexter Fong: Cat: Is that the thing they show on PBS?
cease imril: i dont know. the website i have is called Please Title This Page
cease imril: its quite recent
||||||||| Catherwood leads klokwkdog inside, makes a note of the time (9:18 PM), then fades off into the distance going on about the waiting room or the sitting room or something.
Ken: speaking of pbs, if anyone is interested, 10pm (est) tonight, frontline is 2 hrs on islam.
Uncle Ernie: Here's my Xmas gift to Y'all ... http://winky.uncle-ernie.com
Ken: hey, klok
Dexter Fong: Hey Klok
klokwkdog: they could put it on audio DVD and re-loop the audio to "layer 2"...
klokwkdog: howdy all
Uncle Ernie: Get in thios barrel Klock and we'll do it hurricane style!
||||||||| Catherwood steals into the room, and intones "Announcing 'cat', also known as 'Nancy' -- the time is 9:19 PM" -- then he slowly retires back into the vestibule...
cat: hey klok
Dexter Fong: Klok: New character enter...Oh! Who is they? It's Lonesome Beet
cat: i went to that untitle website of interviews and lost my way back ehre
cat: now i'm in 2 places at once
LonesomeBeet: Howdy, li'l partners
klokwkdog: kwd has been OD'ing on DVDs this week; actually this month
LonesomeBeet: at least you're not anywhere at all
Uncle Ernie: welcome back from the shadows again cat ...
cat: i come, i go
klokwkdog: but you're not anywhere at all -- Canada doesn't count, at least, beyond 10
Dexter Fong: Talking of Michaelangelo?
Ken: klok: what's the fatal dose of dvd's? i've heard if you eat them with vinegar it kills the bad stuff and you can eat more
||||||||| Catherwood ushers Elayne into the room, accepts a grimy quarter as a gratuity, mumbles something about 9:21 PM, then departs.
cat: hey el
Ken: hi, e
klokwkdog: wow, a crowd
Dexter Fong: Hi Elayne
klokwkdog: is forming
Elayne: Excellent, Catherwood's clock's been cleaned!
Uncle Ernie: Hi Elayne?
klokwkdog: hello Elayne
Elayne: Evenin' all, happy and Merry!!
LonesomeBeet: howdy, elayne
Ken: but will it stay clean? tune in next week for the thrilling conclusion to "catherwood's clock"
cat: merry and pippin
Dexter Fong: E: Lonesome is a newcomer
klokwkdog: AH! Perceptive observation, Cath is indeed In Sync again
Elayne: Welcome, Lonesome!
cat: elayne has been here since before the beginning
Uncle Ernie: Catherwood just roll a couple of bombers and leave them on the side table ...
cat: b52s?
LonesomeBeet: i poured a box of Loostner's Castor Oil Flakes into Catherwood's clock
klokwkdog: just make sure that big wheel keeps on turnin', Ken
Elayne: Yes, Merry and Pippin. I'll take Pippin. That Billy boy is a whole mess o' eye candy!
klokwkdog: O Fortuna and all that...
Ken: ah, the glycerine vibrafoam :)
Elayne: Catherwood can bomb me any time. I'm so dry. It's like everyone in NYC seems to have smokables but me.
Dexter Fong: KWD: It's pronounced toinin'
Ken: e: i passed our virtual joint to cat a while ago, i think he smoked it all
cat: just listened to a cbc piece on comic books turning into graphic novels
Elayne: Eff this "virtual" stuff Ken, I'm dyin' for the real thing... *sigh*
klokwkdog: sorry, I didn't take Twain class in college; cain't do dem dialectics with the Ayn Randers like i shud (now that they control the Fed'rl Reserv)
cat: maus and chester brown, but neil gaiman not mentioned. odd
Elayne: I keep inhaling deeply every time I smell it on the NYC streets, but I can't just walk up to strangers, y'know? :)
cat: oh no, here's the roach. it has a life of its own
Ken: ayn randers wrote a nice advice corumn before she died
Elayne: Cat, they're unlikely to mention Neil, he's making his name in prose novels now.
cat: thats what happened to me in europe, el
Dexter Fong: Elayne: YOu should sidle up to stranger
cat: i followed other smokng folks as closely as i could, but more of a contact high
Elayne: I'd rather sidle up to you, Dex. :)
klokwkdog: hey, E,, Dex -- are the subways running on time, now that y'all erected Bloomberg?
Ken: e: i've done it before, and had it done to me
Dexter Fong: Aw shucks E =))
LonesomeBeet: time to sidle up and go back to the shadows again?
||||||||| Big Apple Corpse enters at 9:25 PM as Catherwood takes their hat and goat and runs off to the Haberdashery Barn.
Uncle Ernie: THe worst book ever written the deat of the printed page "Atlas Shrugged" ..
cat: we had just come out of a profoundly stoned mosque in cordoba and came upon a grouip of young lads smoking in the street.
Ken: hi biggie
klokwkdog: or is the Token Rebellion on schedule?...
Big Apple Corpse: Happy Holidays All!!!
Dexter Fong: Big A, Hi
Elayne: I have no trouble being polite to strangers, especially in this season, but I'd never dream of bumming a toke off someone I've never met.
cat: too bad it was After we left the mosque. it would have been a trip to view through thc glasses
Ken: and to you a good night :)
Elayne: Definitely, Cat!
LonesomeBeet: Token Rebellion? People objecting to Lord of the Rings?
Elayne: Hi BAC!
cat: something similiar happened in naples. alas, i'm too shy
Ken: tokin' rebellion
Elayne: I'm objecting to the fact that everyone
Elayne: oops
Elayne: ...that everyone's talking about LotR part deux and I haven't seen it yet.
klokwkdog: no, the NYC subways are threatening to not run on thyme, protesting that Art and Paul broke up
Big Apple Corpse: Howdy Elayne
Elayne: Hey, least they're running, Klok! Was touch & go for a couple days there.
LonesomeBeet: a sage response, klok
Dexter Fong: KWD: Not to mention Tom and Jerry
cat: big news from montreal today, compassion club bust overturned, judge said he wished he had the authority to dismiss the cannabis law federally
Uncle Ernie: Part one was enough for me the Token' purist hanging to good for Jackson!
Elayne: Cool, Cat!
klokwkdog: it is going to rain tomorrow, and the kiddies here are still in schul; i was toying with hitting an early matinee of LOTR II before the film cassettes are all scrached and worne
cat: my friend's case went to the supreme court last week but alas, they put it off til the spring as the govt is supposed to decriminalize by then
Ken: good, cat. maybe it will spread here. nah, asscroft's still in charge :(
Elayne: But Ernie, Jackson's like a major Tolkein fanboy himself. He has a lot of respect for the material. I'm amazed it was as filmable as it was.
cat: the montreal folks have a website where one may procure medical cannabis
klokwkdog: wow, Cat, the grow lamps in Vancouver must be running overtime for that, eh
cat: no wonder my friend steve huddart (starred in most of my plays) is moving there next month
Elayne: Cat, I don't think they give it out medically for PMS yet (more's the pity).
Ken: klok: raining here now, moving your way. it's been in 50's two days in a row, but snow tomorrow, i hear
cat: actually its in montreal, klok.
Big Apple Corpse: Isn't all Cannabis medicinal?
cat: someday soon, el
cat: we finally got snow on our mountains today
Elayne: Just let 'em do it here in NYC where I can get some, Cat! *sigh* again
cat: indeed, big apple
Ken: no, biggie. i picked some in kansas once that wasn't worth taking home
Uncle Ernie: Jacksons a criminal that was the second best piece of fiction ever written. Took 20 years to perfect that spinning noise is JRR in his coffin.
cat: how far is montreal from nyc?
klokwkdog: but all the supply comes from Van, no? I heard it consumes 4-6 times the electricity of any other similarly-sized city
Elayne: Ernie, gotta disagree. I think JRR would be very happy with how it's turning out so far.
cat: we will definitely go and visit the huddarts in montreal next year and will visit nyc too
cat: it looks close on the map
Dexter Fong: Cat: 8 to 10 hours driving
Elayne: Let me look it up, Cat. There's an Amtrak train makes that run.
Ken: yeah, cat, only 3 inches
cat: is there a train?
cat: that would be a trip
cat: i'd love to go down to DC and meet arnold too
Dexter Fong: Yes Czat
klokwkdog: yeah, on my map, it's only about 10", Cat - you could get there in 20 seconds; most of it just getting the engine started
Uncle Ernie: Oh where oh where to begin ... it was pretty ... nice fx ...
Elayne: Cat, 10 hours on the train.
Elayne: It's called the Montrealer. Give me a date you want to go from MTR to NYP, and I'll give you the time.
cat: wow
Elayne: Heh, Ernie, I think we'll just have to agree to disagree. :)
klokwkdog: i gave up on the reviews of LOTR II because the reviewers didn't even know the story and then screwed up what they saw to boot (I can tell that much, not even having seen the flick yet)
cat: we had a 10 1/2 hour bus trip from porto to madrid
Elayne: It's a really beautiful train journey, by the way.
Ken: why does amtrak go to canada? isn't it owned by u.s. govt?
cat: i prefer trains, Fumiyo prefers busses
cat: anyting's better than driving
cat: you've done it, el?
Elayne: Ken, there's a Great Rail Journeys episode that goes into that. They have arrangements w/ Canada. You gotta bring passports on the train & stuff.
Dexter Fong: Cat: You and F travel separately like GWB and his Vice-pres?
klokwkdog: I don't know what planet the guy savaging Tolkien in Salon is from, but I think he's loading the old boy with all kind of baggage he didn't get in the luggage store, fer sure.
cat: i bet it would be extremely beautiful in the fall, which is probly when we'd go
Ken: passport? last time i went to canada they just waved me through, didn't even stop me
cat: no, we travelled in europe together. but we often take separate trips
klokwkdog: Ken - they have magnetic maple leaves that they reach out the window and stick on as they cross the border onto Side 6
Ken: cat: couple days ago, tolkein biographer was interviewed on radio. good segment
Elayne: Okay, if you leave Montreal on train #70, the Montrealer, at 9:50 AM, you get into Penn Station in NYC at 7:40 PM. Sounds like a good deal.
Dexter Fong: Daily News gave LOTR 2 rave review...4 stars
klokwkdog: not that it matters, since Canada is part of the US
Elayne: Ken, I've always needed a passport with air travel.
Ken: "our 51st state"
cat: that sounds great!
Elayne: Oh, and Cat? The one-way coach fare is $60.
Ken: ok, maybe air. i drove across in detroit
Dexter Fong: Ken: Thought that was Porto Rico
cat: wow
cat: thats almost free
Ken: of course, in canadian, that's $10,439.87
Dexter Fong: That's US $ too
cat: no it isnt klok
cat: we have better drug lawsa
klokwkdog: yeah, E, last spring, we drove from across the River from M. to Gnu Haven and it took frigging forever. Somebody's brother was cleaning all the roads in VT (actually, it was end of mud season; about the only tiem they can werk on them)
Elayne: Yeah, it's a very decent deal. And if you're doing it in the wintertime you'll see some amazing sights travelling along the Hudson, it's just gorgeous.
cat: september, october maybe
Elayne: Yeah Klok, they roll back the sidewalks too. Give 'em a good shake.
Ken: i've also heard toronto is a nice town (and they speak english there)
Elayne: I don't miss driving in New England around this time of year. My ex and I used to travel to CT to visit his family every Christmas.
klokwkdog: you wood spend a good $50 on gas; i'll let Dex and E fill you in on parking anything bigger than a pair of roller skates in NYC
Elayne: Now he and his current wife live up there, and I get to stay in NY.
cat: i have a friend there
Elayne: Toronto is lovely. I was there a few years ago. I adore the city.
cat: arent you lucky, el
klokwkdog: not really Ken, it's full of immigrants planning some way to sneak into USA
Elayne: Cat, I'd be luckier if Robin had work...
cat: still searching, el?
Ken: toronto has to be close to u.s. when i was in buffalo, i could get toronto radio on fm, that's usually 60 miles range or so
klokwkdog: all the Canadians moved elsewhere and Toronto is run by Iranians or guys from Hong Kong or something
Dexter Fong: Ken: That's cause it's a straight shot across the Lake
Elayne: Yeah Cat, still hoping something comes up, but he can't be that active in his search as he's been a bit under the weather.
cat: no, the iranians are all here in north van. they say it reminds them of tehran
Elayne: After all, it's December, it's time for Robin to get sick. You can set your calendar by it. :)
Dexter Fong wonders what set KWD off on Canada =)
klokwkdog: i thought it was just the river (must consult map)
Ken: aah, the ephemeral sporadic e-skip maybe?
cat: too bad, el
Elayne: Wouldn't matter as much if I just had smokables. :) :) :)
Dexter Fong: Ken: Huh?
cat: i hope santa brings him good health and a good job
cat: i here scrooge is hiring
Elayne: Ken, it's really horrid at my office, people keep coming in sick because they dock us pay if we stay out.
Ken: lol, dex! it's like mentioning the words "niagra falls" (slowly i turn....)
Elayne: So half the folks are sick and making the other half ill, and I tend to be a carrier so I bring it all home to Robin.
klokwkdog: what, Tehran is full of basements lined with grow lamps? I thought they just acted as the tail end of the Pashtun opium smuggling trail from Afganistan and staged teh stuff up to be sent to UK
LonesomeBeet: step by step
Dexter Fong: Ken: E-skip?
Big Apple Corpse: Dear friends...Gotta run. My best Holiday wishes to all and if my interview ends early, I'll be back.
cat: by big apple
Ken: dex: a method of radio wave propogation, sometimes more common over water. e-layer is in ionosphere
klokwkdog: nite BEC
Dexter Fong: Night BAC
cat: keep em frying
Ken: later, biggie
||||||||| It's 9:40 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| Uncle Ernie - dead from the common cold
 ||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
||||||||| "9:40 PM? I'm late!" exclaims Big Apple Corpse, who then runs out through the French doors and down through the garden.
LonesomeBeet: speaking of colds...
cat: why, it's topless nurse judy
klokwkdog: W-K-B-W Pulse Beat NEWS!
Elayne: Wow, that was quick. Um, Bye BAC!
cat: come on in and in and in
Dexter Fong: Ken: Thought that's what you meant. However with FM which is line of sight, across the lake is a clear shot to Buffalo
cat: who was that masked corpseman?
Ken: somehow most americans think canada is so far away. i could be there driving in 3 hrs easy
klokwkdog: yeah, those Canadian hunters usually bag their limit of Buffalonians early in the season...
Dexter Fong: Cat: He was here 2 weeks ago
cat: ever see the kids in the hall sketch about hunting for people in an office?
Dexter Fong: K: If you live in Dallas or Key West is it far away
Elayne: I don't think of Canada as far away at all, but then I'm a New Yorker so I know our state's right on the border.
cat: did i miss him?
klokwkdog: well, if you lived in NC, it is barely closer than Mexico, and a darn sight colder
Ken: key west is far from *everything*
klokwkdog: heck, your state is right on the Edge!!
Dexter Fong: Cat: No, you winged him
cat: north carolina is closer to mexico than canada? really?
klokwkdog: it's right next to Jimmy Buffett, Ken
cat: i gotta get better maps
Ken: klok: if enough people push it, will it fall over?
cat: margarita ville?
cat: take me to Sangriaville
LonesomeBeet: not if they put the balls on the other side first
cat: i may never leave
klokwkdog: well, it's like the Edge of the Universe, Ken: what can it fall INTO??
Dexter Fong: KWD: Itself
cat: the other side of what?
Ken: i performed a (ok, "an", for you anglophobes) heroic deed in key west. kept my roommate in motel room from jumping off 2nd story balcony into pool. too much tequila that night......
klokwkdog: the problem with getting maps in Van is that they're all rolled up into joints
cat: yo call that a problem?
Dexter Fong: Ken: I know that motel and the pool..Very inviting =))
Ken: here, have a toke of this mercator. it's good stuff
LonesomeBeet: smoke a map and who cares where you are
klokwkdog: nah, Ken, he was trying to imitate the LDS scene in Almost Famous
cat: i saw that flick and dont recall that scene
Dexter Fong: Ken: Southernmost Motel?
Ken: lds? latter day saints?
klokwkdog: it gives you a Global Experience, LB
cat: probably too "mapped" at the time
cat: lids? keys?
Ken: no, dex, it was cheapie not even on the water. i was in air farce then, govt. doesn't spring for resorts
klokwkdog: pun from a Star Trek movie, Ken
cat: eye lidless in gaza?
klokwkdog: Cat, it's pivotal, leads up to the reconciliation "Tiny Dancer" scene on Doris!
Ken: cat: did you hear the joke about the boy that was born without eyelids?
cat: you were in air farce? they usually have new people every week but i didnt see you. was this when i was in europe?
Dexter Fong: Ken: There's a motel very close to that southrnmost point with the sign that says Cuba 90 mils with a pool
klokwkdog: what rough beast, indeed, eh, Cat?
cat: i do recall the star trek ref though
Ken: cat: actually u.s. air force, but it was a real farce
cat: bethel those hems
Dexter Fong: Junior Birdman and the All-Stars
Ken: i forgot air farce was a canadian tv show. or am i thinking of something else?
cat: soon to be filling the air over baghdad
cat: no, its a canuck comedy group.
cat: were on radio for many years, last decade or so on tv
Ken: saddam's getting too big for his material breeches
||||||||| Catherwood leads Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto inside, makes a note of the time (9:48 PM), then fades off into the distance going on about the waiting room or the sitting room or something.
klokwkdog: Cat - it's the party in Topeka, when Crowe is on the phone to the band manager asking "How do you know when the LSD 'kicks in'?" ROFL - the next cut is the lead singer standing on the roof of the house shouting "I am a Golden God" and getting ready to jump into the pool
cat: but one of their best members left last year so they have revolvingnew folks
Dexter Fong: Olla Senor Y
Ken: hola, seņor
Elayne: Hey Mr Y!
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: oi
cat: moshi moshi, mr y
LonesomeBeet: howdy, li'l pardner Yam
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Indeed
Dexter Fong: Where you been MY, in Radio Prism?
Ken: yams and beets, it's tuber week at fst
cat: speaking of golden gods, we were in nero's house, the domus aureus, which they are now excavating
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Cat there are two of you
cat: he didnt offer me a drink
klokwkdog: oh gad, I hate it when those Sufis show up and try to get jobs by claiming discrimination -- is it just that one incident, or is there a constant problem with it in Canada, too, Cat?
Dexter Fong: From out of the Root Cellar
cat: at least
LonesomeBeet: Tuber or not tuber, that is the question
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I've been working late a lot lately
Elayne: How can Cat be in two places at once when he's in North Van?
Ken: tubers are great BIG trumpets from boston
cat: i entered as cease, then went to find the firesign interveiw website and lost my place, came back as cat
Dexter Fong: Reincarnation at work folks
Ken: put your finger on the line in the script, cat, won't lose your place
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Keep yer thumb on yr scripr
klokwkdog: it's a Gravitational Lensing phenomenon, E, due to the electromagnetic radiation from all the grow lamp ballasts or the power line feeds or something
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: script
cat: spider bite i got in barcelona bothering me again. this is not good
Dexter Fong: And your hands off the Scripture
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: these keyes are too close together
Ken: they have poisonous spiders in europe?
cat: though my favourite bar in barcelona can now be viewed at seemreal.com in the Travelling Ishikawas section
Dexter Fong: Cat: Spider bites can be very dangerous
cat: well i'm not dead so not that poisonous
cat: but it was quite scary
Dexter Fong: Some take longer to work than others
klokwkdog: I've heard that all of Vancouver sometimes winks out of view, and other times manifests 3 or 4 separate images of itself
Ken: didn't they take over for the travelling wilburys since harrison and orbison died?
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Spanish Spiders? After Spanish Flies, no doubt
cat: that's right, ken
Dexter Fong: E'en now the hairy venom....
Ken: klok: that's philadelphia, and only during even numbered wars
cat: on the train from barcelona to madrid, there were flies in our compartment so i video'd them
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Is the next war even or odd?
cat: thinking it was all quite funny, in a firesign sort of way
Ken: flies on video, only $19.95 if you order now!
Ken: yam: i've lost track of them
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: and where all the good songs?
LonesomeBeet: the next war with be even, because that's what Bush is trying to get
cat: my doc here in van tells me the spanish docs didnt put me on antibiotics long enough
klokwkdog: LOL, Ken. No, the Philadelphia Experiment was real; it was a naval version of an aircraft system that used light bulbs to make them invisible. Worked great, but not as useful on ships.
Ken: lol, beet
klokwkdog: the aircraft system was called "Magoo", I think
Ken: klok: i've read the montauk tangent from that, some *strange* stuff
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: The military is fulla crazy guise
LonesomeBeet: is the montauk tangent off the bermuda triangle?
Dexter Fong: Ken: Isn't montauk, woman listen a reggae song
cat: no montauk, no cry?
Ken: i'm not up on reggae. that was my exwife who liked bob marley, et al.
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: only on tuesdays and alternate saturdays
klokwkdog: nah, it was just light bulbs, not magic.
Ken: what's the clarke quote about magic?
Dexter Fong: And those bulbs can be found in our root cellar
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Imagine a plane covered in lightbulbs
klokwkdog: montauk is really awful place. dead cats and paint cans washing up on the shore
cat: sounds like that ralph ellison novel
Ken: yam: make a helluva target, wouldn't it?
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Very echhsmassy
Dexter Fong: KWD: What are you talking about?
LonesomeBeet: "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" - clarke
cat: invisible man
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Never been to Montauk
Ken: tnx, beet
Dexter Fong: It's beautiful Yam
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I must go
cat: you just got here
klokwkdog: no, Cat, just the wing edges and forward part of the fuselage. It had to be very carefully adjusted according to the time and weather, but it made the plane invisible to observers at a distance. I saw a demonstration with a tank on a hillside and it really works.
Ken: lift the lid, first, yam
Dexter Fong: Miles of beaches, not many people
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Just to say IO've been there and get a stupid bumper sticker
Ken: t'shirts available next week :)
Dexter Fong: Yam: You can get that in Kingston
cat: io, io, it's off to work we go
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Klok: that's just weird
klokwkdog: it's full of mansions for rich people all around and the "beaches" are all these huge, painful pebbles, not sand
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Not in ki8ngston no mo
LonesomeBeet: cat, you work on a moon in the outer solar system?
Dexter Fong: Klok: Not so
cat: klingons have tin?
Ken: klingons have only nine
klokwkdog: that's what I saw; kicked myself for driving all the way out there from Islip.
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Tinned blood worms, I believe
LonesomeBeet: klingons have tin ears - have you ever heard their music?
Dexter Fong: Just open a can Of Klingons, spread em, eat em, wipe em off
cat: good one, dex
Ken: must be like opening a can of whupass
klokwkdog: i hate those little keys; stay away from the stuff myself, Dex
cat: goldburg?
cat: she'll do anything. cheap!
Dexter Fong: A variation?
LonesomeBeet: there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow...
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: You'll put your eye out wait til your father gets home
Ken: am i the only person who think's whoopi is ugly but sexy?
Dexter Fong: Probably
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Ugly yes...
||||||||| Catherwood enters the room, strikes a gong, and bellows "THE TIME IN NEW YORK IS 10 O'CLOCK", then silently exits.
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: sexy, welllllll
klokwkdog: after living on LI for awhile, I came to hate the whole place; considered petitioning the Air Force to reprogram some of our missiles so that if there was ever a nuclear war, there would be no doubt what would happen to LI; too important to leave in the hands of incompetent Russians
cat: proc had some interesting lines about russia in that web interview
Ken: funny, klok! i've never been there, no opinion
cat: how he knew it was a potemkin village of a country when he was there in the 50s
cat: how the firesign tries to expose stuff like that in their work
klokwkdog: Cat - unlike, for example, Levittown??
Dexter Fong wonders where our host, Meryn is
cat: read the interview, klok, everybody
Dexter Fong: Merlyn
LonesomeBeet: url, cat?
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: where do it be?
cat: making merry, no doubt
Dexter Fong: Wait'l Joseph finds out
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: God beat them bot to it
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Little holy spirit
Dexter Fong: Yep
Ken: i live in st. joseph county :) the drought affected the aspirin harvest last summer badly
LonesomeBeet: gonna be a lot of sick kids this winter, then
klokwkdog: Ken - I used to drive to New Haven to wash my clothes there rather than in an LI coin laundry. I wanted so bad to see Blade Runner when it opened, but was afraid I might not make it out of the theater there. One day, some guy stopped in the street out in front of my house, pulled out a rifle and started threatening a neighbor. I have never seen anything like it, even in rural NC, where I saw plenty of strange stuff.
Dexter Fong: Local humor...I love it =)
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Mary sitting w/a funny smile on her face and a little dove hot footing it outta there
LonesomeBeet: I don't care what the angel said, you're in trouble, girl!
Ken: hell, yam, you'd be smiling too if the holy ghost just goosed you
cat: its at www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Library/3056/Tominterview.html
LonesomeBeet: holy goosed?
klokwkdog: Oh, BTW, Doc Tech. is not going to be here tonight
Dexter Fong: Touched by an Angel?
klokwkdog: He is going to spend the evening in a motel room with a woman who is not his wife
cat: torched by micheal landon
Ken: since satan is a fallen angel, and you burn in hell, would that be "torched by an angel"?
cat: there's a part of paris called Chateau Landon
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Yeah
Dexter Fong: Fire in the hole,
cat: 'm thinking of making a film there
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Hell?
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: cle?
klokwkdog: depends on the religion, Ken
cat: maybe i can channel micheal landon to star in it
klokwkdog: the Yezidi believe that Lucifer was redeemed
Dexter Fong: Might as well ressurect Morrison while you're there Cat
klokwkdog: that anyone can be redeemed, even Lott or Ashcroft
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: For a nice set of dinner napkins
Ken: yezidi? a new one on me. are they like the mormons or something?
LonesomeBeet: even them? wow!
klokwkdog: i'm glad i DON'T get the Michael Landon Channel
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Like S&H green stamps
Ken: lott, maybe. ashcroft, never.
Dexter Fong: Hey Guido! Yezidi is getting cold
klokwkdog: They are a minority religion in Iraq, sort of in the Kurdish area in the N. mountains
cat: yeah our hotel wasnt far from that cemetary where he's buried
cat: never got there. will next time
Dexter Fong: A minority among the minority
klokwkdog: I'm also reading about the Druze in Palestine as i work thru Gertrude Bell's biography. Another really strange religion; kind of a melange of all that's available in the area.
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: The Minority Minority Minority Report
Ken: cat: i worked with a dj who swore he saw jim morrison years after he died. had a beard, looked totally different, but says it was him
||||||||| It's 10:10 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| Elayne - dead from pneumonia
 ||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
Ken: druze are strange people, for sure.
Dexter Fong: KWD: Aren't Druse like really early Christions with other stuff thrown in?
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Elvis lives in the snack foods asile at the Kalamazoo 7-11
cat: by el
LonesomeBeet: druze barrymore?
Ken: if i were to become a muslim, i'd be a sufi
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Sufi USA
cat: if i had a hummer
Ken: but druze aren't really like anything else
klokwkdog: yeah, it gets pretty weird, Dex. There are political divisions and religious divisions and regional divisions and divisions-by-clientage-of-particular-foreign-power (Turkey, Iran, US, Russia, Armenia, Syria), and then there are Saddam's army divisions...
cat: if i were a reichman
LonesomeBeet: you'd speak german
cat: i'd own far too much real estate in london
Dexter Fong: And carry a big Swastika
Ken: sieg hello
cat: sig freud!
Dexter Fong heads off for a refill
cat: swell pizza!
Ken: no thanks, i'm not as jung as i used to be
klokwkdog: Dex - or they are really Muslims with other stuff thrown in, or they are Zorarastrians with other stuff thrown in. In the end, no matter what their religion, they mostly spent their time raiding other tribes of whatever religion (same, different, none) and stealing their goats
LonesomeBeet: goat clusters?
Ken: i wondered how long it would be before we got goats into the conversation ;)
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Gots upon the battlements?
cat: of course, no one here knows when/if the firesign's xmas npr show is on
cat: goat in himmel
klokwkdog: -- or were in 1900, which is the time i'm reading about; now they all have cars and TV sets and Merrill Lynch stock portfolios...
LonesomeBeet: goat in hummer
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: goat mit us
cat: holy gridlock
LonesomeBeet: goat tell it on the mountain
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: what's with all this animal imagery?
klokwkdog: Cat - one State Department official was talking about possibly supporting the Shi'ite tribes in south Iraq and how he thought we shouldn't get involved in a possible "Bay of Goats"
cat: mr baldwin, love your pianos
Ken: hmmm, wonder what the longest non sequitur thread is on here ?????
cat: does it have any meaning?
cat: pages and pages, kend
klokwkdog: in Engrish or Latino, Ken?
cat: good one, klok
klokwkdog: depends on what the word "mean" means, Cat
Ken: don't spreak latino myself, except for "hocus pocus"
cat: that's why she's so mean
klokwkdog: non sequitur on me!
Ken: and don't re-tread on me
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: clean that up!
cat: the romance languages must be easier if you know latin
klokwkdog: Hey, Ken, I was fantasizing about a new version of Focus' "Hocus Pocus" where they do a duet with Jewel...
cat: just knowing a lot of roots helped me read lots of signs, menus
Ken: cat: some jews in spain speak "ladino". not sure what it is though
LonesomeBeet: I never was good at Latin, which is probably why all my relationships broke up
Dexter Fong: What's your sign = Early Romance language
Ken: lol, klok! get yer tickets now
cat: you came, you saw, you conquered?
cat: eh tu, brutus?
Ken: was that the only rock song in history with yodeling?
klokwkdog: I learned latin for 3 years and fled to German -- I guess my teutonic ancestry trouced the Welsh part
cat: semper fiddlesticks?
cat: dick caveat emptor?
Ken: if you knew sousa, like i knew sousa
klokwkdog: LOL!!
Dexter Fong: KWD: Lucky you didn't try learning Welsh
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Hosting the Detriot Syphaty these days, he is
klokwkdog: Good one Cat
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Sympathy
klokwkdog: it's not that much worse than German, Dex; just a few less vowels
Dexter Fong: Detroit
cat: salon columnist bitching about welsh spending 10k a month on french wine.
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Ruined a good line there
Ken: lotsa sympathy in detroit, they still wear black in honor of hoffa
cat: why do i not find that a lot of money, for someone with his income?
Dexter Fong: KWD: Studid German..pronunciation is not so bad..Welsh...yikes
klokwkdog: they would probably eventually get some vowels into Wales, but my understanding is that there is still a pretty near-emergency airlift to the Balkans
cat: lol, klok
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: lol
Ken: bad case of contagious syzygy there
LonesomeBeet: do we have to talk about vowel movements in here? please!
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: There are only 5
Dexter Fong: Movements?
cat: welsh
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: not enough to go around
klokwkdog: yeah, but the Germans expect you to do well if you try to speak the stuff; the Welsh are just so dammed happy that you try...even if it's a bad Burton imitation...
cat: i have a friend who pretends to be welsh
Ken: i'll get a welsh rabbit to help me learn the language
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Is there a GOOD Burton imitation?
cat: germans expect you to speak german? not in my experience
Ken: where's bunnyboy when you need him?
Dexter Fong: Yes: Leeeeeam Neeeeson
cat: italians and spaniards yes
cat: oddly
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Unless you fuel it with a coupla fiths of chivas
klokwkdog: well, it's like "Afganistani", Cat -- you just make incomprehensible noises with an occasional modern word and maybe nobody'll be able to catch you out
cat: lol. sounds like our trip to europe
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Afghanistan shouldn't even be a country
klokwkdog: Cat - no, the thing is that if you do attempt to speak German, they get upset if it's not proper; whereas the Welsh are just happy that you try
cat: as long as we can read menus and train schedules, we were fine
Ken: pashtunistan?
Dexter Fong: What's your suggestion MY
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: The GNP is 35 cents and pocket lint
klokwkdog: it never was, CSY
Dexter Fong: A loose and quite touchy amalgamation of tribes
cat: csny? i thought they broke up
klokwkdog: there you go, measuring GNP in USD, C. Y. If you measure it in goats, it's pretty good
||||||||| Catherwood announces "It's 10:24 PM; let's see who falls in through our celebrity trap door!" -- he pulls a lever, and Santa's Brain plummets onto the oriental shag rug.
cat: neal's on a roll
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Ill tempered lot they are
Santa's Brain: Ho Ho Ho
Ken: hi satan
cat: shag that rug
Ken: er, santa
Dexter Fong: Jingle this Red Suit
cat: bet he falls off soon
klokwkdog: Flaming Lips is kind of like Crazy Horse with a better back-up unit
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: reversing the N & T
cat: the trap door is a celebrity?
Ken: must be i'm possessed by the devil. watching tv with all those lovely women with only their eyes showing, got me hot
Dexter Fong: KWD: Crazy Horse *is* a back up unit
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I've been working on the railroad
cat: you'e getting far too little sex, ken
klokwkdog: I found her in Pensacola, in a trailer in the sand...
Santa's Brain: All your live long day?
Dexter Fong: What else is new Cat?
Ken: cat: you don't have to tell ME that!
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I'm getting none :(
klokwkdog: less than zero
LonesomeBeet: i'm getting so little i'm even learning to spell Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Ken: thank god for porno and rubber gloves (safe sex for one)
cat: maybe santa will bring you some
Dexter Fong: Welcome to the Lonely Guys Club...take a number it wont be called
Dexter Fong: LOL LB
Ken: lol, dex :)
LonesomeBeet: I used to live not too far from Lake Chargogagogmanchaugagogchaubunagungamog
klokwkdog: well, it's more like single folks have the finances and the ability to just say "no". In the 13th century, you needed a complete family to make it thru the winter, and if you lost spouse or kids, you'd better get or make some more quick.
Dexter Fong: LB: Easy for you to say
cat: move to france, kend. more beautiful women than snowflakes in saskatchewan. one of them will want to fuck you
Ken: beet: i'd ask but i'm afraid of the answer i'd get
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Just to keep warm
klokwkdog: now, everybody wants Ms. or Mr. Right
cat: i'm sure one of them needs an accountant
LonesomeBeet: well, the lake is, can't pronounce the Welsh town, tho
Ken: cat: not sure i can handle the armpit hair and odor
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I'll settle for wrong
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: ewwwwww
Dexter Fong: Ken: Shave and take a bath
cat: handle, shmandle
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I can live w/o armpit hair
Ken: good advice, dex, i'll do that tomorrow ;)
Dexter Fong: But you can't live without an armpit
klokwkdog: and there is just a limited supply of Victoria's Secret models (and they live in LA and want to eat at a $$ restaurant every night; one that serves 3 lettuce leaves and a cube of steak for $30)
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Yr shoulder would fall off
LonesomeBeet: well, you can, but you wouldn't be very handy
cat: like the borges story about the coin with only 1 side
Dexter Fong: #)$! Ha! 150$
Ken: how would you shrug your shoulders if they fell off?
cat: no, I'm From LA. women in paris make women in LA all look like men
Dexter Fong: And what about "Shoulder to shoulder and bolder etc...
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: that's kinky
klokwkdog: KWD hit gold Wed - local bank got $220 in rolls of $1 coins
cat: and of course there's Italy, where they all Do look like men
Ken: no epaulets on uniforms. major bummer, dude
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Better moustache than I can grow
klokwkdog: a lot of the "women" in LA are men, is what I've heard, Cat
Dexter Fong: KWD: Only the good looking ones
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: That's SF
cat: not a lot compared to Frisco though
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: They have tose Drag races on Sunday
Dexter Fong: Thunday! Thunday!
Ken: klok: you're a fan of sacajawea?
cat: lol dex
cat: have to read that article ab out her in harpers
klokwkdog: I'm a fan of "funny money" that won't fit in cash registers, Ken
cat: i go away for a few monthes and my stack of unread mags reaches the fucking Moon!
klokwkdog: $2 bills and $1 coins
Dexter Fong: KWD: Still fighting the system eh? =)
Ken: with a half-dollar for good measure
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: How about $2 coins like in Canada
Ken: duo-loon?
cat: twonies
klokwkdog: yeah, the little monkey wrench in the works here and there - canadian quarters in all the vending machines in the canteen at 11:55AM, etc.
LonesomeBeet: Twoonies
cat: funny looking things
Dexter Fong: I like the Giant English Ha'-penny
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I hear the Centres fall away
cat: smehow Giant and English dont belong in the same sentence
Dexter Fong: I heard the Centre can not hold
klokwkdog: Ken, the 50Ē pieces get a bit too heavy; if they have enough $2s and $1 coins, I put all my cash into those, else finish off with halves
cat: dinner at Yeats. let's eat!
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Lets Yeats
Dexter Fong: Hold That Centaur...my servantes are on it
klokwkdog: yes, things have fallen apart
cat: greatest monument in europe (that i saw) was the cervantes monument in madrid
Ken: duct tape will fix it
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Fallen and can't get up
cat: on top of it, and its quite large, is a naked woman reading Don Quixote
klokwkdog: what rough beast indeed, slouching towards North Ontario
Dexter Fong: Steal this Free Offer
Ken: how do you know what she's reading?
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Steal This Book!
cat: well it is a Cervantes monument, eh?
LonesomeBeet: maybe he reads lips?
Dexter Fong: KWD: All it's change is there
Ken: and why would you care if she's naked!
cat: all your changes was there?
klokwkdog: Or, as David Koresh used to say, "Seal this book!"
cat: no, just hips
cat: i met this timorese dude in a bar in lisbon who read lips
Dexter Fong: Cat: Yep $2 and $1 and .50 cents's
cat: deaf guy
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Rose Hipps an old girlfriend
cat: but spoke immaculate english
klokwkdog: Yeah, Dex, surely some Revealation is at hand
Dexter Fong: Cat: Deaf? No wonder he was timod
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: What?
cat: we cant talk here
Dexter Fong: What?
LonesomeBeet: don't hear, i can shout you
Ken: do blind people read hips by braille?
cat: his family had been slaughtered by the indonesians
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: what do you mean we can't talk here
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I read hips
Dexter Fong: there's an echo....echo........echo
LonesomeBeet: mrphmrphupfffmmmmm....you're right, we can't talk here
klokwkdog: the indonesians have slaughtered many families. In 1966, the State Department gave them a list...
cat: no, that's an xo. a tick tack toe
Dexter Fong: mrphmrphupfffmmmm = Welsh town
klokwkdog: a white sport coat and a black tick tack toe - all you need for War Games
Ken: now a ghost town. they mined all the vowels and shut down
cat: a friend's wife is a refugee from that particular pogrom
klokwkdog: LOL
LonesomeBeet: LOL
Dexter Fong: I prefer to train my soldiers with a big black Dildo
||||||||| It's 10:40 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| Santa's Brain - dead from the common cold
 ||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
klokwkdog: yeah, Cat, if they get to them in time, they can do a transfusion
cat: santa has departed?
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Ah, well
Ken: dex: glad i'm not in YOUR army
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: The dearly departed
Dexter Fong: with a smile and a wink
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: And a finger aside his nose
Dexter Fong: Ken: reference to a mention 3 or 4 weeks ago
klokwkdog: but the thing is, they are sucking all the vowels out of the chat rooms to help and we're just running short. all the vowel factories have moved to the Far East, and those little pointy-heads just don't understand how to do good work
LonesomeBeet: upper chimp knee heroes
Ken: you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose. but you can't pick your friend's nose
LonesomeBeet: snot nice, ken!
Ken: dex: i forgot to take my memory pills, don't recall that ;)
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: And who would want to
klokwkdog: there is no such thing as a Sanity Clause (from Comfort and Joy)
Dexter Fong: How about a Sanctity Clause
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: From a night at the opera...
Ken: one of my cats woke me yesterday by licking the inside of my nose. freaked me out to open my eyes and see him RIGHT THERE!
Dexter Fong: or Cinque tity as the french might say
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: Only if you're Jerry Falwell
cat: weird with a beard
Ken: cinque tity would be hard to buy a bra for
LonesomeBeet: in Key West the cats have sandy claws
LonesomeBeet: yeah try asking for a 36CCCCC
Dexter Fong: Ken: Might be eligible for Most Unique Dairy Cow
klokwkdog: if you die, a dog will wait nearly a week, but cats will begin feasting on you in 3 days, according to The Straight Dope
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: I have a cat that kisses my nose
cat: can you be straight and smoke dope?
Ken: my exwife had a cat that sucked her earlobe
Dexter Fong: Cat: Thertainly
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto: kinky
LonesomeBeet: you mean there's dope that they don't allow gay folks to smoke?
klokwkdog: That's popular, Ken. Check Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight
||||||||| "10:45 PM? I'm late!" exclaims Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto, who then runs out through the French doors and down through the garden.
cat: i thought straight dope was coffee
Dexter Fong: Bye MY
Ken: i heard the author interviewed on radio, klok, sounded good
cat: by mr. y
Dexter Fong: Cat: The straight dope is military secrets
klokwkdog: I suppose, LB, but SD is primo source of answers to questions like "How Do They Get the Teflon to Stick to the Pan?"
cat: a website?
Ken: straightdope.com?
Dexter Fong: ewww could be a spider there
klokwkdog: It's a good book - you can read a chapter at Amazon or B&N; most libraries now have it
LonesomeBeet: I'm still wondering how they got it to stick to Ronald Reagan
cat: had quite enough of spiders, mrs shelob
Ken: beet: that name is not allowed in here
klokwkdog: yeah, that's the URL, Ken
Ken: trickle-down economics only means that i get pissed on
LonesomeBeet: hey, that really is the URL!
klokwkdog: well, it is, but we use a nickname for him, don't we Cat?
LonesomeBeet: oops, pardon my profanity!
klokwkdog: Hello! I must be gong
cat: still no accounting work, kend?
Dexter Fong: Dutch?
LonesomeBeet: if you must be gong, say hi to chuck barris for me
Ken: only accounting for a diminishing bank balance :(
Dexter Fong: Chuck "Hitman" Barris
klokwkdog: I will return much later, maybe. Else good evening
Dexter Fong: Night Klok
LonesomeBeet: adidas, klok
Ken: nitey nite, klok
cat: still planing to move to texas or someplace warm?
klokwkdog: Have a WONNERFUL holiday,whatever ur persuasion or proclivity
cat: by klok
Ken: beet: funny, since his last name is converse
Dexter Fong: Same to you KWD
LonesomeBeet: LOL!
cat: we gave a proclivity for wonder
Dexter Fong: Nice catch Ken
Ken: kwanzaa rulez!
klokwkdog: don't help Poindexter, Ken
Dexter Fong: During Kwanzaa...ecerybody have to live in Kwanzaa huts
Ken: oops, sorry for the slip (a nice satin slip in a see-through black)
cat: bush keeps recylcing ghouls from the past. why doenst he come up with some New ghouls
LonesomeBeet: Kwanzaa - isn't that the holiday where everyone goes to Rhode Island and celebrates in little half-round huts?
Ken: cat: conservatives don't want to change anything
LonesomeBeet: ah, dex beet me to it!
cat: rhode away, rhode away, oh where do you go when your'e rhode away?
Dexter Fong: KWD would know LB ..he's from around there
Ken: do they fly qantas to get there?
cat: and their mechanics are all quanta mechanics?
LonesomeBeet: yeah, they all take a quantas leap
Dexter Fong: Quantas dinero? um um um Quantas dinero
Ken: guantanamera
Dexter Fong: Yah think?
cat: aint gwine whistle dixie no more
cat: great taj mahal tune
Ken: and jimmy won't crack any more corn either
Dexter Fong: And here they are...the Whisling Dixie Chicks
LonesomeBeet: didn't know poultry could whistle
cat: saw taj do an earlier version of that song in a gig with the firesign theatre in 69
Ken: i could get into country music if i could get into any one of them
Dexter Fong: LB: They can but its very hard without lips
LonesomeBeet: but they can dance, and they're pure poultry in motion
Ken: they dance great when you cut their heads off
Dexter Fong: Lol
cat: when they were writing dwarf
Dexter Fong: Like very small letters?
Ken: pica, 4 point
LonesomeBeet: now, that's small!
cat: white dwarves
cat: you know the velasquez painting with the dwarves?
Dexter Fong: Hey you know pica, I'm dressing over here
Ken: who would want any other color dwarf?
cat: staring at it in the prado a couple of weeks ago, all i could think of was Dont Crush that Dwarf, hand me the pliers
Dexter Fong: Ken: How coloristic of you
cat: great painting
Dexter Fong: They got Brown dwarfs, black dwarfs (Holes to you) etc
LonesomeBeet: cat, did you manage to keep from chuckling?
Ken: brown dwarves are colonistic
cat: very firesonina. velasquez in the background, seeming to paint You
cat: no, lonesome, i did not
Dexter Fong: Ken: Get an enema
cat: spent a large amount of time in europe chuckling at paintings
Ken: ain't got no enemas, only friends
LonesomeBeet: i probably wouldn't manage it either, cat
cat: fiends?
Dexter Fong: Ken: Even better that way
Dexter Fong: A steady hand at the helm
cat: with the 22x zoom lens on the video camera, a whole lot of really funny things appeared
Ken: jesse helms?
Dexter Fong: while his winchester rests
cat: wife and I spent a large amount of time examining these oddities and imagining they were in firesign albums
Ken: the carolinas are losing a real pair this year
Dexter Fong: Sorry to hear that Ken (snicker) =)
Ken: can you imagine giving up jesse helms for liddy dole?
cat: probably put them on the Other Side
LonesomeBeet: does that mean they'll have to speak chinese?
Dexter Fong: Yes
||||||||| It's 11:00 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| klokwkdog - dead from The Plague
 ||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
Ken: mandarin chinese (but only if you dress in orange)
Ken: klok got it in the buboes
Dexter Fong: and wear a naval jewel
Ken: held in place with naval jelly
||||||||| Catherwood enters the room, strikes a gong, and bellows "THE TIME IN NEW YORK IS 11 O'CLOCK", then silently exits.
Dexter Fong: which allows for much naval maneuvering
LonesomeBeet: it's been fun, gang, but i must cut the grass in French, or mosey lawn
Dexter Fong: GGGGGGGGoodddnnggggght LLLLBB
cat: dropping like flies in a martian klien bottle
Ken: bye, beet, come back again :)
Dexter Fong: Yes
LonesomeBeet: 'til next week, same firesign, same firechannel!
||||||||| LonesomeBeet rushes off, saying "11:02 PM? Mark Time is almost on! Where's a radio?"
Dexter Fong: Same olf fireheads =)
cat: as soon as the last of us drops, austin will show up
Dexter Fong: or Bergman who wont say aything
Ken: what was the deal with bergman not saying a word? anyone got the lowdown on that caper?
cat: eggs ackley
Dexter Fong: just stare at us while a single tear traces a dusty path down his cheek
Ken: if it tears, he can use scotch tape
Dexter Fong: Yes Friends, this lovely simulated portrait of Sacajewaa can be your for almost nothing
Dexter Fong: Just send us all KWD's coins
Ken: i have never seen one of our new $1 coins in person. i used to carry a susan b. anthony, but i think i spent it as a quarter once
Dexter Fong: Ken lol
cat: wonder what happened to westly tonight?
Dexter Fong: Was wqondering also
Ken: he posted to the ng about it, he was at least near a computer then. it's not like him to miss
Dexter Fong: Also not seen Roto in some weeks
Ken: but, there IS life outside firesign, strange as that concept might be
Ken: roto is alive and well, we email all the time
Dexter Fong: Ken: I'll take your word for it....or maybe not =)
Dexter Fong: Thanks Ken
Ken: i think he's been taking a spanish course at night for a couple months now
Dexter Fong: Spain After Dark
Ken: por que? no conocerlo
cat: madrid and barcelona are gorgeous at night
Dexter Fong: Que?
Ken: quebec
cat: madrid a sea of intriguing neon and barcelona has the lit up sangria familia
Dexter Fong: Ken: That's when all the accion starts
Ken: cat: i love good sangria. spanish restaurants in tampa had good stuff when i lived there
Dexter Fong: Talk about a sea of neon...was in Las Vegas last week
cat: real name is Sagrada Familia but we always called it Sangria Familia.
Ken: full output of the hoove's damn dam running that city
cat: sat in great tapas bars accross from it and drank sangria, ate tapas, revelled in its overwhelming weirdness
Dexter Fong: And we're damn grateful Ken
cat: what were you doing in vegas, dex?
Dexter Fong: Donating
Ken: dex: important question--did you come home with more or less money than you went with?
cat: fumiyo preferred paella, but i stuck to taps, usually
Dexter Fong: Ken See answer above
Ken: i think that answered my question :)
Ken: paella is wonderful stuff. i had my first octopus in that once
Dexter Fong: Had a very good time though..didn't lose a whole lot
cat: good for you
cat: its not as if they need more
Dexter Fong: Thanks =)
Dexter Fong: afk for a sec
cat: good paella is only for 2 people
Ken: i avoid casinos myself. i'm compulsive if i get in the wrong place
cat: so we had to both order it and then i'd order some other kind of fish on the side, as i'm not a rice eater
Ken: how can you be married to japanese and actually lived there and don't eat rice?
cat: yeah, how can i be a white man named ishikawa? the world is weird, kend
Dexter Fong: I like rice///rice is nice
cat: never underestimate that
Ken: i eat a lot of rice. love it. like pasta, it's main purpose in life is to keep the sauce from hitting the plate
Dexter Fong: K: If it doesn't hit the plate...not enough sauce
cat: body just doenst like rice. who am i to complain?
cat: there is stuff one can eat and stuff one cannot.
cat: why argue with one's body?
Ken: i lived next door to real eyetalian family once, they took 2 days to make spag. sauce, used 5 gal kettle
Dexter Fong: So it's not so much a matter of taste but a matter of not accepting it physically Cat?
Ken: ah, allergic or something like that. understood
cat: yeah, my italian friends in vancouver make great food. too bad about everyone in italy, though
cat: yes, dex, kend
cat: its me, me and 2 others.
cat: this is like an out take from nick danger
Ken: that damned sauce had everything in it except the kitchen sink. pork, veal, chicken, beef, etc.
Dexter Fong: No that's wierd
Dexter Fong: Know
Ken: "nick danger and the case of the missing sushi"
cat: cant decide whether to go to japan next or new york city
Dexter Fong: Cat: Alla Japanese *in* NYC
Ken: watched iron chef recently, made fish stew and used the "innards", but it looked like intestines to me
cat: wife's cousin lives there. want to see rose planetarium
Dexter Fong: Quite extraordinary Cat
Ken: not sure i could handle that if i knew it. but i'm sure i've eaten as bad in other dishes before
Dexter Fong: Planetorium that is
Ken: does the earth *really* orbit the sun?????
Dexter Fong: giggle torium
cat: i was there in 64. had a great time. want to go back
Dexter Fong: Come to New York City..tower over our mayor
Ken: maybe we can get high with him
cat: i hope i can find drugs more easily than in europe.
Dexter Fong: Cat: I will personally straighten you out =)
cat: i'm just too old for the drug dealing/using crowd to have anything but suspicion of
Ken: he doesn't WANT to be straight!
cat: i need to hire a teenager to score for me
Dexter Fong: heh
cat: lol kend
Ken: pot pimp?
cat: i've never been straight, just heterosexual
Ken: i'll have to remember that line :)
Dexter Fong: Ken: Why?
cat: y'all be old enough to remember when straight meant "unhip" as in the great firesign single, The Straight People
Ken: english is such a funny language, with alternative meanings to words
Ken: oh yes, cat.
cat: i thnk they're al equally amusing
Ken: one of my friends always said he never went straight, just forward
Dexter Fong: Straight in the Past
cat: the old timorese dude with all the dead family members led me to a den of iniquity where-in actual hashiish was being consumed
Dexter Fong: into
cat: but except him, who was 60 something, and the bar tender, also near that age, everyone there was younger than my daughter (born in 78)
Ken: i saw a shop for old furniture once call "the den of antiquity"
Dexter Fong: Yeah! All this terrorism has seriously disturbed the hash biz
cat: no, they assured me that dope was common in europe and easily consumed. sure, if you're 20
Ken: i haven't seen hash in 10 years or more. i could probably buy pot from the guy next door though
Ken: cat: did you get to amsterdam at all?
cat: actually a guy in a big park in Belem offered to see Fumiyo and me leather jackets, the day before. and when we showed no interest, he offered to sell us some hash
Dexter Fong: Cat: It ain't the 60's-70's no more..but if you lived there for awhile, you'd find a connection
cat: we thought of going there, were there in 80 and have friends in haarlem, but didnt make it this trip
cat: you're right, dex
Dexter Fong: Reefer madness White Collar Style
Ken: if i don't get to europe before i die, maybe some kind soul will escort my ashes there
cat: not sure what the laws are. heard many conflincting things. they are in transition thooughtou europe
cat: the one place we are considering living in is paris, and france has some of the worst, most american anti-dope laws
Dexter Fong: Dope laws or disposal of ashes laws
Ken: this is the only major country that doesn't mostly ignore small personal use
cat: ken, do yourself a favour. go to europe. you wont live forever
Dexter Fong: Good =) Scare him to Europe
cat: no, i'm serious. when i encountered serious disease about 20 years ago,i refused to die because i hadnt been to venice.
cat: now that i've been to venice, i plan to continue living, but it was That Particular Idea that motivated me to fight the diseases of the day.
Dexter Fong: Cat: You may last longer than Venice
Ken: i'm not sure venice would be real high on my list. paris, athens, rome, london, vienna
cat: wouldnt that be a trip
cat: fuck athens put paris, mais oui.
cat: rome has one good restaurant and one good art gallery (the borghese you have to make a reservatin in advance)
cat: fuck it
Ken: greece appeals to me on a subliminal level for some reason
Dexter Fong: They have a word for it
Ken: and i like feta cheese too, but not ouzo
cat: actually, fuck al of italy, except venice and people there are just as fucked as everywhere else but the canals are nice
Dexter Fong: Yeah Ouzo is terrible
Ken: all i've seen says there are actual turds floating in the canals
cat: lived in a greek neighbourhood here when i met fumiyo. livedon greek food. my greek students told me its better here than in greeece
Dexter Fong: Ken: Birds not turds
Ken: one of our restaurants here has several greek dishes. i get the spanakopita quite often
cat: europe is carpeted in dog turds
Dexter Fong: The Lesser Canal Loon etc...
cat: must be paradise for flies
Ken: one fly to another: "pardon me, is this stool taken?"
Dexter Fong: Spanikopita = Spaniards copulating
cat: the great thing about venice, when you come from anywhere else in ital;y is that it's so quiet. no vespas. no cars
cat: lol kend
Ken: well, i kinda thought is was spinach and feta in phyllo, but i'll look more closely next time
Dexter Fong: Only the lonely cry of the Lesser Canal Loon
cat: our "hotel" was on a lesser canal
Ken: my mom went to venice, said the pigeons were terrible
Dexter Fong: Una Casa d;Loon
cat: our last day there was a flood
Dexter Fong: Probably tried to give the pigeons that wonder bread stuff
cat: the whole city erupts in tables. i thought it was market day but no, only way you can move about
Ken: lovely adriatic
cat: waking on tables through the city
Dexter Fong: ...adn not even drunk
cat: is there such a thing as a good pidgeon? rats with wings, someone called them
Ken: i've danced on a table. no wait, i've *watched* table dancing :)
Ken: one of my ex-bosses raised pigeons to eat.
Dexter Fong: Cat: Pigeon related to Dove...gotta accept them
cat: still, i'm glad i survived long enough to see venice
Dexter Fong: Me too Cat =)
cat: if only for the mystique
Ken: well, dear friends, the yawns are getting me. will return next week :) g'nite
cat: as paris, barcelona, even madrid are more beautiful and less tourist choked and socially deceased
cat: ok kend and dex
||||||||| "11:38 PM? I'm late!" exclaims Ken, who then runs out through the French doors and down through the garden.
Dexter Fong: Ken: A happy whatever you want see yah next week
cat: i havent had dinner since yesterday. guess i better go do that now
cat: see you next week, dex
Dexter Fong: Night Cat and happy whatevers to you too
cat: i'm sending your script reading to doc for final productoin on red shift tomorrow dex
cat: i hope you will be proud of our final product
Dexter Fong: Looking forward to hearing it Cat
||||||||| With a theatrical clearing of his throat, Catherwood pipes up: "11:40 PM and late as usual, it's Merlyn LeRoy, just back from Billville."
Dexter Fong: Hey BW
Merlyn LeRoy: Late as usual
Dexter Fong: Cat may have gone afk waiting for the reaper
Merlyn LeRoy: I forgot again
Dexter Fong: Nice to see Catherwood on time again =)
Dexter Fong: Merl: Gonna run...thanks for hosting and Happy whatevers to you
||||||||| Dexter Fong runs out the back door as Mayor P'nisnose blasts through the front door holding a shotgun and shouting "Where's Dexter Fong?! It's 11:43 PM and my ballot boxes haven't been stuffed yet!"
Merlyn LeRoy: hello
Merlyn LeRoy: ?
Merlyn LeRoy: oh well
||||||||| Catherwood strides up and snorts derisively "Presenting 'EricTravis', just granted probation at 11:47 PM", then leaves hurriedly.
Merlyn LeRoy: hey, everyone's gone (cat probably isn't there)
EricTravis: Anybody heard anything more about the problems w/NPR?
EricTravis: Well, Merlyn, looks like The End of the World. At least for this millenium.
EricTravis: Maybe see ya next time. Have a happy one...
||||||||| It's 11:50 PM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| cat - dead from the common cold
 ||||||||| cease imril - dead from the yaws
 ||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
Merlyn LeRoy: oops
Merlyn LeRoy: I was away again; no, haven't heard of any more NPR problems
||||||||| It's 12:00 AM, and that means it's time to play BEAT THE REAPER! And here's how our contestants did:
||||||||| EricTravis - dead from measles
 ||||||||| Better luck next time! And now, back to our chatroom, which is already in progress...
||||||||| Merlyn LeRoy departs at 12:00 AM, singing "Toad away, toad away; toad away, toad away! Where do you go when you're toad away?"
||||||||| Catherwood enters, and announces to all and sundry "It's 4:32 AM, time to change the log file and clean out unused rooms; please log off for a minute or two. Thank you for your patience."

The Evening's Participants:
Big Apple Corpse
cat
cease imril
Compeņero Seņor Yamamoto
Dexter Fong
Elayne
EricTravis
Ken
klokwkdog
LonesomeBeet
Merlyn LeRoy
Santa's Brain
Uncle Ernie
 URL References:
http://winky.uncle-ernie.com
www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Library/3056/Tominterview.html


Rogue's Gallery:

cat_pp.jpg (5168 bytes)
PP and Cat(cease)

newbunny.jpg (4426 bytes)
Bunnyboy

capeklok.jpg (5469 bytes)
klokwkdog

capeken.jpg (7639 bytes)
kend^

freq.jpg (4441 bytes)
FreqMan

brian1.jpg (2847 bytes)
Merlyn LeRoy

capedoc.jpg (6006 bytes)
DocTech

newlili.jpg (6085 bytes)
LiliLamont

roto.jpg (6046 bytes)
Rotonoto

babs_so.jpg (5555 bytes)
LeatherG & SO

nino1.jpg (5352 bytes)
Nin0

tonk1.jpg (6123 bytes)
Tonk

And,
"The Home Team"

peggy.jpg (5240 bytes)
Peggy Blisswhips

audrey.jpg (4873 bytes)
Audrey Farber

tdt.jpg (6077 bytes)
Tiny Dr. Tim
Rest In Peace,
Dear Friend